I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
