i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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