When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
