THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
