Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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