We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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