TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
