see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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