2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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