I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
