Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
