I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
