i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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