I like my sex mixed with concussions.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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