3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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