you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
