For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
