last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
