Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How drunk are you?
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