I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
