so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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