I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
