Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize