This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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