How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
