oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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