found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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