This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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