I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
