I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
