Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
