I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
