Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
