census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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