Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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