Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just pee around me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
