I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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