Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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