i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
