Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
