it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
