can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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