but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
