i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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