well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
