I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize