HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
