What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize