i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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