my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
