i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
