did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
