i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
