Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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