Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
