how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize