i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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