Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
