I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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