PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
