We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
