checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
