It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
