A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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