I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's always time for handjobs
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
