I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
two words...techno handjob
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize