hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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